What's Love Got To Do With It

"I believe the world is round
so we don't see too far down the road.
And I believe the sky is blue
to keep the blues from me and you.
And I believe old Einstein said it right,
It's a relatively simple life." ~ GW Bach

Life is interesting. Things change. I'm changing. I'm making very conscious decisions regarding my choices in life. Mostly, my emotional direction.
My parents are both having some health-related issues. No wonder, considering the fact that they're both in their eighties. The thing is that they're still my parents and I haven't yet gotten used to the fact that they're old. I've been so blessed because they've both enjoyed good health for most of their lives. I have, maybe, one or two memories of my mom being sick with the "flu" when I was a kid.
The thing is, though, amidst all these blessings I never really learned how to just be with what is - there was a pretty high level of denial when it came to things of an emotional nature. I don't blame my parents because they, too, are products of their own family environments BUT now, in their eighties, they're becoming the emotional equivalent of "touchy feely."
My mother has some yet to be determined form of early stage dementia. The neurologist I have the most respect for through all the testing and nonsense has said that he suspects she has Alzheimer's. In any case, she's started doing things for me, when she stays at my apartment, that she never did for me my entire childhood. For example, when I get up in the morning the first thing she calls out to me is -
"Dawn, do you want me to put the kettle on?"
"what????...oh, uh, yeah. ok, mom."
And when I get out to the kitchen she has a tea cup, a cereal bowl and two spoons set up on the kitchen counter for me.
This is the same woman who would come in to my bedroom my freshman year of high school with a Benson and Hedges 100 dangling from her lips growling, "GET UP!" And ten minutes later, when I still hadn't budged, she'd yank the covers off me and threaten, "I'm not coming back. Get up now or TOUGH SHIT!" The point being that my oatmeal was not ever laid out for me.
The same goes for my Dad. He was not the type to rip the covers off my freezing carcass but he drove a hard bargain. He was a tough disciplinarian and had little time for the cuddly stuff. However, he recently showed up for me on such an unexpected emotional level that all I could do was to think to myself -
WHY NOW???????
I had just gotten to a place of accepting my parents fully as the teachers they were meant to be for me and had, mostly, nestled in with the emotional distance they themselves had set up in each of our relationships. I know that I've learned more than a few things in this life and that I have made room for the love I feel for them and I know they feel for me, but still....still, I'm realizing I had hoped, somehow, that it wouldn't be enough to hurt me. Silly of me, I know, but I've been flooded by realizations lately. Realizations of the places/relationships/events that I weave this emotional fear in to, in spite of what I've learned -
Yes, I am a cup is half full kind of person. I am positive and am most comfortable with thinking the best of people and wanting the whole world to hold hands and sing. However, my most recent HUGE learning moment came when I was having a conversation with one of my children. I realized that my need to get to the emotional "point" was my way of getting to a place that would make ME comfortable - because I am not comfortable with, well, emotional discomfort. I need to know, in some way, shape or form, that something, anything, everything is alright and/or will, very soon, be alright. For me, sometimes, instant emotional gratification takes too long.
In a recent conversation with my daughter she pleaded, "Mom, I don't want you to fix it!! I just want you to listen."